Graverobber and The Amazing Magic Lamp
by Great Bishop Hazel
Summary: A god awful spoof of Disney's Aladdin starring the cast of Repo. Really, this fic is god awful, a crackfic of the worst calibur, read at your own risk. This is also a Gravi fic, Graverobber being Aladdin and Pavi being Jasmine.
1. Chapter 1

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away…Okay, so it wasn't long ago, it was actually the future and it wasn't that far away, well, from the narrator at least, okay, so in the not so distant future across the country from our narrator…a dark figure met with a young woman who was dressed in a short white dress, white heels with a red cross on them and a red plastic mask over her eyes.

"You're late." The man sneered.

"Sorry, your lordship, I was…um…"

"Busy having sex with my slut of a brother." The sneering man continued to sneer, something silver flashed in his hand.

"Yes." The woman finished meekly.

"Well, do you have it?" The man asked.

"This?" The woman asked, holding up a key.

Suddenly, out of no where, a surgery addicted parrot who in another story would have been voiced by Gilbert Gottfried, but will instead for our purposes be voiced by Paris Hilton, flew out of no where and grabbed the key from her.

"Now, what about my reward?" The woman asked.

"You'll get what's coming to you." The man smirked.

"Rawk! What's coming to you!" The parrot squawked, obviously the parrot was feigning stupidity, for its cold blue eyes had a cruel intelligence to them as plain as the twin scars running over her neck and chest.

"Okay….Hey, wait a second, you're not going to send me into that spooky looking cave over there after some magical artifact are you?" She asked, frowning.

"Well…yeah, you're a random expendable GENtern, you don't even have a name, but you should survive if you're the one I'm looking for." The man assured her.

"Fine…" The GENtern pranced off towards the cave, wondering how no one on Sanitarium Island noticed a huge cave shaped like a tiger randomly cropping up in the middle of the city. She didn't have much time to wonder though as the cave scooped her up in its mouth and ate her.

"Only one may enter here, the one who is worthy, the diamond in the rough." The cave said. "In fact, I told you that the last seven times, are you even trying?" and with that, it disappeared.

"FUCK MY LIFE!" The man shouted, grabbing a random passerby and stabbing him repeatedly just to get out some of the blind fury he felt.

"Well that's just great, Luigi, how're we supposed to get to the treasure if all the GENterns we send in keep dying!?" The parrot shouted.

"Amber, shut the fuck up, are you trying to piss me off!?" Luigi Largo snapped at his sister, who the narrator decided was now a parrot. "I must find this diamond in the rough…but where…" Luigi's eyes narrowed as the camera zoomed in menacingly on his cold, calculating blue eyes. Then the narrator decided it would be amusing to hit Luigi in the face with the camera.

"OW! WHAT THE FUCK!?" Luigi growled and the narrator ran for his life.

Meanwhile, on the other side of town, a dashing young grave robber was stealing some bread for his family. I don't know, just go with it, the story will be over faster that way. His family consisted of…well, himself and a monkey named Shilo. Shilo was his best friend and one companion, that being said, this is not a Grilo fic, and since it's an Aladdin knock-off, Shilo can't talk. She just makes monkey noises. Trust me; you'll like her better when she can't sing 'Seventeen'.

Anyway, the grave robber was appropriately named 'Graverobber' or maybe just 'Graves' since 'Graverobber' can be a pain in the ass to type. Anyway, he had just stolen a loaf of bread and was now being chased by several Repomen.

"This is bullshit! All I did was steal some bread! It's not like I got a surgery and didn't pay!" Graves cursed. The head Repoman, Nathan Wallace, caught Graves by the back of his long fuzzy leather jacket and held him still. Graves thought he was doomed, but then Shilo jumped on Nathan's head and…Oh, right, since this is a crack fic, Shilo and Nathan aren't related, got that? Okay, good, on with the story. Anyway (yes, I know this is terrible, terrible writing, but this is a very cracky crack fic.), Shilo covered Nathan's eyes and pushed down his helmet so Graves could escape. Once Graves got away, Shilo swung across a few buildings and landed on Graves' back. The two narrowly escaped without being captured. However they ran into two very hungry children in an alleyway. The children looked pleadingly at them as though begging for bread. However, Graves may have been playing Aladdin in this parody, but he wasn't bound by Aladdin's kindness so he said "You know what? Fuck it." And ate the bread himself. Shilo followed suit and stuffed her half of the loaf in her mouth and began to chew with her mouth open just to taunt the children, who in turn pulled her tail, causing her to make monkey screeches and bite them, likely transferring Ebola to the two children.

Meanwhile, at the Largo manor on the good side of town, Pavi Largo had just torn the face off of another potential bride. Rotti Largo, Pavi's father, had sort of turned the other way whenever a potential bride for Pavi walked out looking like Harvey Dent, but this was just getting ridiculous. Oh, and yes, this is EXACTLY what you think it is. Yeah, I went there, another Gravi fic. Oh right! So where was I? Oh, yeah. Rotti walked out to the courtyard, yes, there's a courtyard now, Sanitarium Island is essentially Agrabah, which makes the Largo manor or Geneco building or wherever the Largos actually live The Palace of Agrabah. In the courtyard, the lovely young 'princess' Pavi Largo was sitting cleaning a bloodied scalpel in the fountain.

"Pavi, did you deface your latest potential bride?"

"Yes-a."

"Why?"

"I was-a bored and she was-a a bitch."

Oh, I should probably butt in to say I've fucked with the ages a bit to make it fit the Disney's Aladdin Plotline. Pavi and Graves are the same age now and are fifteen. No one else's age has actually changed. Anyway.

"Pavi, you must be married before your sixteenth birthday or you don't get Geneco." Rotti sighed "Who am I going to leave it to if not you?"

"Luigi and-a his parrot?"

"Luigi's the villain in this story, Pavi; the narrator has deemed it so." Rotti sighed. "And Amber is also a villain but according to the script will reform herself in the sequel."

"Oh…Okay…but papa, I wanna to marry for love, not just-a to own Geneco…So what if I'm-a the most promiscuous one in-a the family? I value love and getting to know someone on-a a deeper level because I'm-a bound by the Disney Princess formula…" Pavi sighed. "Which means-a I'll be headstrong to the point of obnoxiousness and a strong character who will be-a a good influence on little girls while at-a the same time being bland and having my head in the clouds."

"Uh-huh…Well, whatever your reasoning, if you don't marry by your sixteenth birthday, you don't get Geneco. Now if you'll excuse me, I have some tiny plastic animals to stack." Rotti said, straightening his Sultan's turban and walking back into the palace.

Pavi sat down and began filing his nails, waiting for the next random woman wanting to be his wife to come in so he could have another face in his collection to choose from. Eventually, though, he realized sadly that if he wanted to marry for love, he had to escape the palace, so he climbed the wall and disappeared out into the streets of Sanitarium Island, which I'll be calling Agrabah from here on out because it's just easier and less confusing.


	2. Chapter 2

The narrator rolled out of bed, wiping the sleepies from his eyes, scratching his ass and heading to the bathroom to shower and brush his hair and teeth. "Hm hm mark it up, hmm hmm mark it up dum dum dum dum mark it up." He sang obnoxiously, washing his shoulder length black hair. He took some alcohol and began to clean his double pierced ears. The average person would say 'damn teenagers and their rock and roll music with their piercings.' A Repo fan, though, would say 'damn, that boy tries too hard to look like Pavi Largo, maybe drop five pounds, fatty, Pavi doesn't have muffin tops out of his tight leather pants…heh…' At any rate, the narrator dressed, made a cup of coffee and sat down at his computer to write the next chapter of his fan fiction.

On the streets of Agrabah, a cloaked figure walked among the various stands and vendors. As the figure walked, people kept trying to sell him things with flattery and ass kissing, but he would have none of it, particularly because he'd run away with no cash. However as he walked, he noticed a child staring at a cart of apples. "Are-a you hungry?" he asked. He immediately regretted if because the kid started talking about how he hadn't eaten in weeks and his whole family had starved to death and he was the last one alive. To shut him up, Pavi grabbed an apple and gave it to the kid. "Will-a you shut up now?" He asked, looking annoyed. The kid nodded happily and skipped off with his apple.

"Hey! You didn't pay for that." The vendor snarled.

"Uh…yeah…sorry about-a that. I'll borrow some money from-a my papa, Rotti Largo." Pavi replied.

"." The vendor glared, grabbing Pavi's wrist and hefting a knife to cut off his hand.

"Oh shit!" Pavi gasped. "Somebody help-a!"

Graves saw what was going on and was so struck by how uniquely beautiful Pavi was that he just had to help despite Shilo's protests. "Hey now, no need for this to get violent." He said smoothly, prying the guy's hand from Pavi's wrist.

"This guy says he knows Rotti Largo." The vendor said.

"He doesn't. This guy is my brother, he's a schizophrenic and Rotti Largo is the name of one of the voices in his head." Graverobber sighed. "Tragic, really."

"Hey! That's-a not true!" Pavi gasped, offended.

"Play along" Graverobber whispered, elbowing Pavi in the ribs.

"Oh! Yes-a, buon giorno, Rotti Largo!" Pavi said, staring into space.

"Come on, brother, time to take your medicines." Graverobber grabbed Pavi by the shoulders and steered him towards safety. Shilo in the mean time had nicked several items from vendors, forcing Graves, Pavi and herself to have to run away from angry shop keepers.

Meanwhile, Luigi was up to something dastardly. He had convinced Rotti to give him some mystic gem with which he could spy on people and find his diamond in the rough and wouldn't you know it, who should appear on his crystal ball but Graverobber, helping Pavi climb over some rooftops towards his apartment. At that moment the image faltered because Amber got stuck in between two turning gears, making the machine stop working, she was flung across the room and slammed into a wall as Luigi chuckled. "Well, we'll just have Nathan Wallace bring in our 'diamond in the rough.'" Luigi smirked as he summoned Nathan to his secret….evil…office…tower…thingumie.

Meanwhile Graverobber was helping Pavi up a ladder to his apartment. Once they were up the ladder, Pavi tripped and fell forward into Graverobber's arms. The two blushed and looked at each other for a minute and what Disney parody would be complete with out the obligatory love at first sight scene. Shilo, channeling the audience's reaction to the mushy moment, feigned vomiting over the side of the building.

'My God, he's beautiful.' Graverobber thought. 'Okay, it IS a bit unsettling that he's wearing a woman's face over his own, but hey, I like that kind of kinky stuff.'

'He's so handsome I think I just came.' Pavi's internal monologue said.

"Er…anyway, you're new to the streets, aren't you?" Graves asked.

"Yes-a…"

"You kind of stand out."

"Is-a it that obvious?"

"Yes, but in a good way." Graves smiled warmly, setting down a plank for Pavi to walk across.

Pavi, however, took a running start and leapt across to where Graves stood. Graves grinned, Pavi truly was amazing. Finally they arrived at Graves' apartment. "Wow, you live-a here all-a by yourself and no one bosses you around-a?" Pavi breathed in amazement.

"Yup, just me and Shilo." Graverobber said, petting the monkey's head. Shilo folded her arms across her chest and frowned. She did not like being the monkey.

"It must-a be amazing." Pavi smiled.

"Not as amazing as living there." Graves sighed, pointing out the window at the palace. "Imagine living there, being rich."

"Oh yes-a, where people always tell-a you what to do and-a how to act-a." Pavi rolled his eyes. "You just-a…"

"Feel so…"

"Trapped." They both said.

"Er…so, where's your home?" Graves asked.

"I dunno…" Pavi shrugged. "I just-a ran off and now I'm-a lost, not that I'd-a go back anyway."

"There you are!" A familiar voice yelled as Nathan Wallace stormed into the apartment.

"He's after me! Wait, he's after you?" Pavi and Graves looked at each other.

"Do you trust me?" Graves asked.

'My God, he's handsome.' Pavi grinned vacantly.

"I'll take your vacant stare as a yes." Graves said, grabbing Pavi and jumping out of the building. Shilo hid under the bed, not that anyone would arrest a monkey even if she didn't.

Finally, Nathan caught up with then and grabbed Graves. "Hey! Let-a him go!" Pavi shouted.

"Stay out of this, whore." Nathan shoved Pavi to the ground.

"Don't-a call me a whore! It's-a me, you idiot!" Pavi removed the head scarf he'd been wearing.

"Pavi! I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you" Nathan gasped. "But I can't release him, Luigi ordered me to take him captive, you'll have to talk to him about it."

"Oh, I will-a." Pavi's eyes narrowed dangerously.

Next scene!

Luigi tried to sneak out of his evil lab when suddenly he bumped into Pavi. "Oh, hey, slut." He greeted Pavi. "What can I do for you today?"

"You can-a tell me why you had-a that man imprisoned and set-a him free!" Pavi glared.

"Sorry, I'm afraid he's been Repo'd." Luigi smirked.

"What!? Why?" Pavi gasped.

"Kidnapping you." Luigi replied. "Did he hurt you at all?"  
"He didn't kidnap-a me! I ran-a away!" Pavi glared.

"Oh well, sucks to be him." Luigi laughed.

Pavi ran off in tears.

"Well, all things considered, he took that well." Amber said, perching on Luigi's shoulder.

Meanwhile, Graves sat in a dungeon chained to a wall, whistling to himself. He was trying to stave off the depression at finding out that he was in love with the prince…ss…of Agrabah. "Motherfucker." He sighed, shaking his head. "That was pretty poor judgment on my part…" When suddenly he heard monkey noises above his head. Shilo climbed down the roof and into the room where she began to pick the locks on Graves' cuffs after making it very clear that she never wanted him to see Pavi again.

"Don't worry; he's a prince…ss… I'll never see his…hot…sexy…beautiful….body ever again." Graves hung his head. "Bloody fuck, just kill me now."

Shilo patted his back sympathetically after finishing undoing the handcuffs.

"Hey, if you had a fuckload of money, Pavi would probably be begging to be your bitch." An old crackling voice chuckled from the other side of the dungeon.

"Who's there? Show yourself…" Graverobber's eyes narrowed.


	3. Chapter 3

A bent over old man stepped out of the shadows, grinning up at Graves. "I know where there's a lot of treasure, you could have to enough money even to impress Pavi."

"Treasure? I'm in." Graves grinned and with that, the old man led Graves out of the dungeon through a secret passage and out to the…desert? Okay, I'm the narrator and I have no idea why there's a desert on Sanitarium Island. Oh well, just go with it. Okay, so they're in a desert and all of the sudden, a cave appeared ahead of them shaped like a tiger's head.

"Ah, you are worthy." It said to Graverobber. "Proceed, but touch nothing but the lamp."

Graverobber nodded. "Alright." And he and Shilo entered the cave. Shilo's eyes widened when she saw all the treasure, golden bugs! Shilo loved bugs; she had her own little collection back in Graves' apartment. Oh how nice that jeweled dragonfly would look next to that weird glowing blue one she'd found while she was grooming Graverobber one day last week. It was so pretty she couldn't bear to eat it like most monkeys do during social grooming. "Shilo! Don't touch anything." Graverobber said sternly to the little monkey. Shilo gave an adorable pout but kept walking. The two of them walked past a dumpster which mysteriously started to follow and pester Shilo. Graverobber turned when he heard Shilo freaking out. "Oh my God! A magic dumpster! I've heard of these, apparently they can fly." Graves grinned brightly. "And they understand English for some reason. Hey, buddy, we're looking for a lamp, can you show us to it?" Graves asked the dumpster.

The dumpster got up on two wheels enthusiastically and wheeled ahead of them towards the very end of the cave where on one side the sat an enormous ruby in the hands of a golden statue of some ancient deity and on the other side sat a plain golden old fashioned lamp. It did not look like any lamp Graverobber had ever seen before, there was no light bulb, no pull string or light switch on it and no plug either. No, it was more like a skinny teapot or a gravy boat. At any rate, he walked up and reached out for the thing, picking it up and looking it over. He didn't have much time to as Shilo had just grabbed the giant ruby and the cave was now filling with lava and falling rocks. Graves and Shilo jumped into the magic dumpster and flew up towards the entrance to the cave where the dumpster was hit with a rock and fell, leaving Graves hanging on to a rock as Shilo clung to him.

The old man was waiting at the mouth of the cave. "Give me the lamp and I'll pull you up!" He called to Graves.

"Pull me up and I'll give you the lamp." Graves retorted.

"Don't fuck with me, boy, give me the motherfucking lamp!" The old man hissed.

"Fine." Graves handed him the lamp. "Now pull me up."

"Nope, sucks to be you." The old man said, drawing a knife. Shilo was quicker though and leapt off of Graverobber's back, sinking her teeth into the man's wrist, stealing the lamp and leaping back onto Graverobber's back and the two of them fell. Thankfully, magic dumpster got free and rescued them, but alas, the cave had closed and now they were trapped with nothing but the lamp.

Meanwhile, Pavi sat on his bed sobbing.

"What is it, Paviche?" Rotti asked when he saw his son in tears.

"Luigi had-a someone killed…"Pavi sniffled.

"Who? Tell papa all about it…" Rotti said, uncharacteristically kindly, patting his son on the back.

Back at the cave, Graverobber sat up rubbing his head in pain. "Ouch…Son of a bitch, that hurt! Well, this is just great; we're stuck here with nothing now."

Shilo shook her head and grinned, holding out the lamp.

"Well how is that gonna help us, Shi?" Graves asked, taking it from her. "Hey, no problem, if there's one thing teenaged hormones have taught me, it's if you rub something long enough, stuff will come out." He said and began rubbing the lamp. About ten seconds later, a puff of smoke appeared and a beautiful woman with long wavy brown hair and large unnaturally blue eyes with skin to match stepped out of the smoke, coughing and gasping. She wore a pair of silver harem pants and a silver bra as well as little silver shoes and a silver headband and shimmery see-through veil. "Wow, careful what you with for, eh, Shi?" Graverobber said to the monkey.

"Hi, I'm Blind Mag, the genie, and I've been imprisoned for ten thousand years. For releasing me you get three wishes. I could sing a huge elaborate song about how many different things I can do, but I can do so many amazing things that it would be a much more efficient use of my time to tell you what I can't do. Now before I do that, what's your name?" The woman asked, folding her arms impressively across her chest.

"G…G…Graves." Graverobber replied. "So you're a genie? I thought they were all fat, loud and voiced by Robin Williams."

"Not the female ones." Mag replied. "Anyway, things I can't do…I can't kill anybody, no genie can kill a person. I can't make anyone fall in love because that would entail entrapment, rape and a ton of other very ugly legal issues that I just don't want to be involved in. Finally, I can't bring people back from the dead because they all become zombies and you know those zombies, they eat brains faster than television. Oh, also I can't give you more than three wishes."

"Hmm…Not much of a genie, are you? You can't do those three things?" Graves asked with a smirk.

"Excuse me? I don't see you getting off your ass and granting wishes." Mag glared, indignant.

"I dunno, Shilo, what do you think, I bet she can't even get us out of this cave." Graves grinned. Shilo shook her head.

"You think you can do better!? Well, fine, I'll get you out of this cave, now get in the dumpster!" Mag flushed purple with anger. In a puff of smoke she was in a crisp bus driver's uniform sitting at the front of the dumpster and a steering wheel appeared on the thing and she gunned it through a wall and out into the desert back to a quiet little oasis where they could all rest.

Meanwhile, Rotti was having a stern talk with Luigi about having people executed behind his back.

"I'm so sorry, your highness." Luigi lied through his teeth. "I promise I will discuss all sentences with you from now on."

"There now, that makes it all better." Rotti smiled, taking Pavi's hand and Luigi's hand and forcing them to shake hands. "Now we can all get along nicely."  
"At least-a some good will come-a from me being forced-a to marry, when I own Geneco, I will have-a the power to repossess your organs." Pavi glared at Luigi before storming off.

"There, now isn't that nice?" Rotti smiled vacantly.

" 'When I own Geneco I will have-a the power to repossess your organs'" Amber mocked Pavi when he was gone. "I can't believe we have to keep sucking up to that fat moron and our moron brother."

"Only until he becomes the owner of Geneco, then we'll be disowned or worse! Repo'd!" Luigi and Amber looked at each other and shuddered.

"Wait, I have an idea! What if YOU married Pavi and owned Geneco!" Amber grinned. "Then we drop dad AND Pavi off a cliff."

"That's actually a good idea, Amber." Luigi grinned. "I love how your brain works."

"Thanks. I know I have the best evil plans." Amber giggled. And with that the camera zoomed in on her eyes which were glinting evilly until finally the camera hit her in the face. "WHY DO YOU KEEP DOING THAT!?" She shouted at the narrator, glaring as he took the camera and ran.

When Amber and Luigi had chased him halfway into a wooded area, the narrator turned the camera towards his own face. "I am so scared right now. The Blair Witch got all my friends, I'm going to die…To all the families of my friends, I am so…so…sorry…I…Oh, wait, wrong movie. My friends are all fine and there's no such thing as The Blair Witch. Oh! But Amber and Luigi are after me, so I'm still probably going to die, if anyone finds this video, show it to the world and let them know who I was…My name is…" and then the tape cut off into static. All that was ever found of the narrator was this video tape and backpack full of notes on random movie references to make in this fic. 'The Blair Witch Project' was crossed off the list as was 'The Dark Knight' (remember when Harvey Dent's name cropped up in the first chapter? That was a Dark Knight reference, not a reference to the comics, the animated series or another Batman movie.)


	4. Chapter 4

"Well, here we are a random comfortable little oasis just outside the city. Now, you have two more wishes." Mag smirked.

"Nope, I have three; I technically didn't 'wish' to get out of that cave." Graves grinned confidently. "I tricked you."

"Okay, fine, but no more freebies." Mag glared, folding her arms across her chest.

"Hmm…well, I wouldn't want to waste a wish, so I better make them good. What would you wish for, Mag?" Graves asked, honestly curious.

"That's an easy one. Freedom." Mag said softly.

"Oh, I get it 'phenomenal cosmic power, itty bitty living space'?" Graves asked.

"No, my lamp has a mansion with six hot tubs, two swimming pools and a fully functional complete amusement park inside it; it just sucks to have to grant wishes." Mag shrugged.

"Alright, well, how do you get free?" Graves asked.

"You'd have to wish me free, but with the way you tricked me I have you pegged as a selfish prick who wants his own way, so I doubt you will." Mag said bluntly.

"No, really! I will!" Graves promised.

"Well, alright, I guess I'll give you a chance. So, what do you want?" She smiled happily, dreaming of her freedom, envisioning all she would do when she was free.

"Well, there's this boy…"

"Nope, can't make anyone fall in love, wrong answer." Mag stopped him.

"But Mag, he's so beautiful and sexy and amazing and wonderful and smart and fun and he's just the sunlight in my every day." Graves sighed.

"How long have you known him?" Mag asked.

"I met him a few hours ago and we were only together for about five minutes worth of screen time." Graves said. "But still, he was pretty fucking hot. But, he's a prince…ss…to have any chance at him at all I'd have to…Hey! What if you made me a prince?"

"Say the magic word." Mag grinned.

"Mag, I wish for you to make me a prince, please." Graves smiled.

"What kind of a prince? There are many kinds, the royal kind, the artist formerly known as prince…be more specific."

"The kind with a crown or in this case a turban, you know, like a Disney movie, charming, eloquent, smart, handsome, perfect…Okay, like you know that movie 'Enchanted'? Well I want you to over prince me, like that, with the singing and the magic and the ability to talk to animals and the overconfident to the point of actually being kind of a douche ways…I want to make Pavi beg me to make love to him because I'm so amazing. I want him to finish my sentences when we sing together….I want him to--"

"If the next words out of your mouth are anything mushy, I'm going to kick you in the balls." Mag gagged at the sickening mushiness of Graves' speech.

"Well, can you do it?" Graves asked.

"Okay, well first you need a new name, Pavi already knows you as Graves, so from now on, you'll be known as Prince Ali Ababua unless you have a better name." Mag asked.

"How about Prince Robert?" Graves asked. "You know, like Robber, but with one less 'B' and a 'T'?"

"Okay, Prince Robert, now you need a princely look. How about a cape and some of those funny little genie shoes and a white outfit with some purple and gold and a nice turban with a purple feather." Mag asked.

"Nah, that actually sounds really gay…" Graves admitted.

"Well, you're trying to win the heart of a man, is there anything gayer than that?" Mag asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Point taken, prince me up." Graves threw up his hands in surrender.

"Amazing! Now you just need a ride, can I see your monkey? And I mean the one in the skirt and vest, not your dick." Mag clarified as Graves went to remove his pants.

"Oh, okay." Graves said, picking up Shilo and handing her to Mag.

"Hey, know what would make a splash? An elephant!" Mag grinned brightly.

"Make it so." Graves grinned.

"Okay!" Mag smiled, transforming Shilo into a gigantic elephant. Shilo began to squeak indignantly about being fat now.

"It's okay, Shilo, now that I'm a prince with lots of possessions, I'll need the trunk space!"

"That was terrible." Mag shook her head. "Anyway! Let's get going!" She created an entire parade of awesome to follow Graves into the city.

Meanwhile, Luigi was speaking to Rotti about the issue of Pavi's refusal to get married. He had re-written the law secretly in his evil lab, which all Disney villains seem to have, seriously, Ursula, Yzma, Jafar...come to think of it, why does Ursula get an evil lab? She really doesn't need one…Well, okay; I guess she does for her magical concoctions and stuff. Know what? That's irrelevant, I'm sorry, back on topic. Anyway, Luigi walked over to Rotti and smirked.

"Hey, pop, I think I have a solution to your problem with Pavi." Luigi grinned.

"Rawrk! The problem with Pavi!" Amber squawked.

"It says 'in the event that Pavi has not chosen a suitor within the allotted time, then his father will choose for him." Luigi grinned.

"But how can I make Pavi marry someone he hates?" Rotti asked, man, Rotti is OOC as all hell, but it's a crack fic so I guess that's allowed, besides, I'm sure deep down…very deep down…he loves his children.

"There's more. If an appropriate suitor cannot be found, then Pavi must marry…Hmm…interesting…"

"Who?"

"Why, the royal vizier, isn't that me?"

"Well, yes, but you're a man…"

Luigi took out a yo-yo and waved it hypnotically in front of Rotti's face. "Pavi WILL marry me!"

"But you're so old…You're thirty seven and he's fifteen." Rotti pointed out. "AND he's your brother."

"Pavi WILL marry me!" Luigi repeated, still waving the yo-yo.

"Okay…Hey! Wait! What's that music coming from outside?" Rotti ran to the window. "Luigi! Come look! It's some kind of parade!"

And sure enough, marching down the street was Mag disguised as a man followed by…Bandleader! Yes, Bandleader! He's making a cameo! Well now, who's that behind him? Single mom! And the GENtern orgy! Hey, isn't this just 'We Started This Op'ra Shit only with Graves as the main exciting event rather than Rotti? No, fuckwad, this is an Aladdin parody, it's Prince Ali, they're just his servants and flunkies. Anyway, Graves and his entourage rolled up, Shilo Sparta-kicked the door open and they all paraded into Rotti's palace as Mag and Bandleader sang of Prince Robert's amazingness. When they'd finished, Luigi shoved everyone but Shilo, Mag, Graves and Magic Dumpster out the door.

"That was marvelous!" Rotti clapped his hands. "So, tell me, young man, who are you?"

"I'm Prince Robert Graves." Graves grinned proudly. "I come from far away and I'm here to seek Pavi's hand in marriage."

"Hmm…Maybe my son SHOULD marry a man; you seem impressive and are probably a good match for him even though I just met you. Especially since you have a dumpster that moves on its own with you. What is that marvelous thing and what can it do?" Rotti poked Magic Dumpster.

"Would you like to try it out?" Graves asked.

"May I?" Rotti grinned, hopping into the dumpster. And with that, the dumpster took off, nearly taking Luigi's head with it, Rotti flew all around the palace entrance hall laughing and clapping his hands with glee. "Why, this is amazing!" He said when it finally landed and he got off. He leaned over and whispered to Luigi. "If we're lucky, this boy could be the one and then you won't have to marry Pavi after all!"

"Pop, I must intercede on Pavi's behalf, this boy is a buffoon just like the rest, he's no good for my baby brother!" Luigi shouted.

"Nonsense, I am an excellent judge of character and I'm sure Pavi will like this one." Rotti smiled.

"And I'm sure I'll like Pavi" Graves smiled.

"Excuse me!? How dare-a you all talk about-a me like some slab of meat! I am not-a a prize to be won!" Pavi snapped his fingers and stormed off.

"Wow…I feel like a douche…" Graves blinked.


	5. Chapter 5

Graves sat outside the palace looking up at Pavi's window while Mag and Magic Dumpster played chess. He sighed as he saw Pavi standing on the balcony. "He's so pretty and I'm so stupid for upsetting him like that."

"Maybe you should tell him the truth." Mag suggested.

"Hmm…No, I think I'll drag this fic out a few more chapters due to my deep-seated insecurity about being just a lousy grave robber instead of a respectable prince. Besides, Pavi Largo would never love someone so beneath him." Graves angsted.

"I'm just saying, he doesn't like you as a prince, he fell in love with you as a grave robber." Mag continued.

"No, I should go up and talk to him, what's the worst that could happen?" Graves grinned.

"Well…" Mag imagined Pavi getting offended and shoving Graves off the balcony. "You're probably right." She nodded. "Go ahead and go talk to him."

"Wish me luck." Graves winked, hopping into the magic dumpster and riding towards Pavi's balcony.

"Good luck…douche." Mag muttered.

"Pavi?" Graves called, stepping onto the balcony.

"I don't-a wanna to see you." Pavi called, flinging a scalpel at Graves.

"What the hell!? I try to court you and you throw a scalpel at me? A simple 'I'm not interested' would have been fine!" Graves exclaimed as he dodged the scalpel. As he dodged, his turban fell off.

"Hey, wait-a a second, I think-a I know you from-a somewhere." Pavi said, looking Graves over. "You remind-a me of someone I met-a in-a the Market place."

"Huh? Market place? Isn't that where um…poor people go to buy things? I wouldn't know, I'm a prince." Graves fumbled. Mag noticed he was floundering and turned into a butterfly, flying over to him.

"Remember, be yourself." She whispered.

"Shouldn't you be a bee then?" Graves asked

"I'm above puns." Mag shook her head.

"I guess-a I'm mistaken then." Pavi said, shaking his head.

"Stop talking about yourself, you egomaniac, talk about Pavi." Mag hissed at Graves.

"I'm not an egomaniac! Okay, okay…Pavi, you're extremely hot, I'd do anything to bone you." Graves grinned.

"What!?" Pavi glared.

"I mean, it's my dearest ambition to make love to you, my beautiful little flower." Graves recovered.

"Nice…That didn't sound fake at all." Mag rolled her eyes.

"Uh-huh…Well, I'm-a also the heir to Geneco, did-a you know that? A perfect prize for a handsome prince." Pavi smirked.

"A prince like me?" Graves asked hopefully.

"Yes-a…" Pavi glared. "And every other stupid fuckwad who wants-a to get in my pants. Why don't-a you just jump off-a the ledge!?"

"Alright." Graves sighed and stepped off the ledge.

"Wait! Don't!" Pavi cried out.

"What?" Graves stood up.

"How did-a you not just plummet to your death-a?" Pavi asked. "And-a for that matter, how did-a you get all the way up here?"

"Oh, I'm secretly a Gargoyle. I can climb walls. Nah, I'm yanking you, I have a magic dumpster." Graves smiled as the dumpster levitated to hover over Pavi's balcony.

"Wow, it's-a beautiful." Pavi breathed. "Smells-a a bit funky, but still, it's-a pretty impressive."

"You think that's impressive, you should see my dick." Graves coughed. Pavi looked at him, raising an eyebrow. "Nothing." Graves amended. "Anyway, would you like to go for a ride?"

"Sure!" Pavi smiled brightly, climbing in next to Graves.

"Know what we should do? We should sing a song that's obviously a sex metaphor." Graves grinned.

"Okay." Pavi smiled and the two began to sing a song that would sound very innocent and romantic to little children and naive virgins, but would make teens chuckle and adults get uncomfortable and somewhere in a middle class suburban home, a teenaged babysitter tries to tell a small child that they're just singing about a magical flight while her boyfriend laughs because he knows what it's really about. I mean, come on, 'over, sideways and under'? That sounds like a sex metaphor to me. Smooth one, Disney.

At any rate, the two arrived at a nice romantic spot on a rooftop in China (which is where the original Aladdin takes place, just a fun fact). "It's a shame-a that Shilo had-a to miss this." Pavi smirked.

"She hates flying." Graves' face went pale. "Er…I mean…Shilo? Who is this Shilo you speak of?"

"You are-a the guy I met in the market place! I knew-a it! I may be ditzy, but there's one thing I'm-a not, and that's-a stupid." Pavi frowned. "Why did-a you lie to me!?"

"I…was….um…in disguise. My name is actually…um…Prince…Robert…Graves. Yeah! I go by my surname when I'm in disguise though and I pretend to be a grave robber just so I can escape the pressures of palace life! Isn't that silly?" Graves laughed nervously.

"Not at-a all." Pavi smiled, kissing Graves on the cheek.

The two arrived back at Pavi's balcony and Graves dropped Pavi off at his room, kissing him softly on the lips. "Good night, love."  
"Good night-a, bello." Pavi winked, walking back into his room.

Graves was so happy; he fell back as the dumpster lowered itself back to the ground. He was so happy that he didn't notice Luigi, Nathan and a group of Repo cadets standing there waiting for him until he opened his eyes and saw them staring down at him. "Oh shit, I'm boned."


	6. Chapter 6

"I should say so." Luigi smirked down at Graves as Nathan gagged him and tied him to a rock. "I'm afraid you've worn out your welcome. Nathan, let's throw him off a cliff. Obviously he's not the same boy I sent into the cave after the lamp, he must have died in the cave so therefore he doesn't have the lamp and can't wish himself rescued."

"Whatever you say." Nathan shrugged. "I got shafted as far as parts go in this story, so, I'm just going to sit here and agree with you."

"You think you got shafted!? I'm a fucking parrot!" Amber snapped her beak at Nathan.

"Yeah? Well I'm the villain, I REALLY got shafted." Luigi complained.

"I don't feel shafted at all." Graverobber grinned happily.

"Well yeah, because you're the lead, you get the damsel and live happily ever after." Nathan sighed. "Not that I'd want Pavi, but I think Marni and I could have filled those roles nicely."

"You know what? It doesn't even matter; because I'm gonna kill you now." Luigi said. "THIS! IS! BULLSHIT!" He shouted, kicking Graves in the chest, knocking him off the cliff.

Graverobber plummeted down into the water, sinking slowly into the water. As he sank, Mag's lamp fell from his turban and hit the ocean floor. Fortunately it fell against his skin and rubbed. Mag rolled her eyes as she appeared. "What do you want now? Oh shit! The poor bastard's drowning! Graves, I can't help you unless you ask! Do you want me to save your life?" She asked, she looked both ways and made Graves nod his head like a puppet. "Okay, right then, we're in business. She turned into a U-boat and carried Graves to safety.

Meanwhile, Pavi was brushing his hair happily humming a song to himself happily. Rotti walked in looking out of it. "Oh papa, I just had-a the most wonderful date with Prince Robert--"

"Well you'll be even happier now because I've found you a husband." Rotti said looking placidly ahead.

"Wait, what?" Pavi asked.

"You will wed your brother." Rotti continued.

"But…but…"

"You're speechless, I see, a fine quality in a…well, this line doesn't really work here, does it?" Luigi said. "A shame, really, I liked that line."

"But papa! I choose-a Prince Robert! I wanna to marry him!" Pavi cried out.

"Why, Prince Robert left." Luigi smirked.

"Yeah, or not." Graves said, stepping out from behind a pillar. "You tried to have me killed, Luigi, tell the truth!"

"Don't listen to him, pop, he's lying!" Luigi said, waving the yo-yo from before in Rotti's face.

"Papa, what's wrong with you?" Pavi asked as Rotti fell deeper under Luigi's power.

"Wait a second, are you shitting me? You don't notice the…oh for crying out loud." Graves kicked the yo-yo from Luigi's hand and threw it out the window.

"How did he figure it out!?" Amber gasped.

"Search me…" Luigi shrugged.

"Oh, well, maybe because you were waving it very bluntly in Rotti's face and he was getting hypnotized mysteriously while you were doing it." Graves said, raising an eyebrow.

"Anyway, guards! Arrest him!" Rotti shouted. The guards glared and went after Luigi, who had just noticed that Graves had the lamp in his turban.  
"This isn't over!" Luigi sneered, throwing down a gas grenade and grabbing onto Amber's talons, disappearing in a blast of fire.

"Hey, didn't Dumbledore do that in the fifth Harry Potter movie?" Graves asked.

"Shut up! It seemed like a good idea!" The narrator whined before disappearing.

"Well, anyway, this is an outrage!" Rotti shouted. "Luigi was my favorite son besides Pavi."

"He was your only son besides Pavi." Graves chimed in.

"Shut up! I'm angry…Wait a second, I feel better now." He said when he saw Graves and Pavi on the couch together, Graves' tongue halfway down Pavi's throat and his hand groping Pavi's ass. "You two are in love! This is wonderful! Prince Robert, Geneco will be yours and you and Pavi will rule happily together for a long, long time!"

Pavi and Graverobber were not paying attention though; they were still busy making out on the couch, just rounding second base.

"Alright then, I'll leave you two alone." Rotti said, walking off, leaving Graves and Pavi in Pavi's room on the couch beginning to undress each other.

Meanwhile Amber was flying around Luigi's room like a maniac, packing her bag to escape the palace. Luigi in the meantime was cracking up.

"Luigi, have you snapped?" Amber asked.

"No, but Prince Robert is just that pathetic grave robber I sent into the cave after the lamp! He has the lamp and soon it will be mine! You're going to go and get it for me!" Luigi smirked.

"Um…okay then." Amber said, shrugging.


	7. Chapter 7

"So, Graves! Pavi's completely infatuated with you, you're marrying him and soon you'll own Geneco and rule the world side by side with him, what are you gonna do now?" Mag asked excitedly, hoping he'd remember his promise to free her.

"I'm gonna angst like a whiny little bitch." Graves replied.

"What? Why!?" Mag asked.

"Because I lied to Pavi and his father, I'm not really a prince; I'm just a lousy grave robber." Graves angsted, collapsing on the couch that still was cum stained and smelled of splooge.

"Look, Graves, you promised to set me free. You're the hero of this fanfic; will you really go back on your word and teach any small children who read this think that breaking promises is a good thing to do?" Mag asked, placing a hand on Graverobber's shoulder.

"Mag, I can't set you free. I have to use my third wish to become a real prince, otherwise Pavi will leave me when he finds out I'm not a prince." Graves said softly, looking away.

"Fine, you lied to Pavi, I guess that's how you show love, you obnoxious self-absorbed socially inept prick." Mag sneered, disappearing back into her lamp.

"Aww, come on, Mag! Come back!" Graves cried out.

Mag responded by sticking her tongue out of the lamp and spitting at Graves. Shilo and Magic Dumpster watched sadly.

"What are you two looking at? Fuck off!" Graverobber glared at them.

The two gave Graves a sad look and walked away.

"Aww, come on, I didn't mean it…. Come back you guys, please?" Graves asked. "Fine, be that way. I don't need you."

"Prince Robert! Oh Prince Robert! I need-a you for a minute…I'm just-a outside, can-a you please come here?" Amber imitated Pavi's voice

"Coming, Pavi!" Graves smiled nervously, walking towards where he'd heard Pavi's voice.

When he was gone, Amber flew into the room and took the lamp, monologue-ing to herself about how awesome she was for getting the lamp all by herself. "Luigi will love me for this!" She chirped to herself, flying off towards Luigi's evil lab.

Meanwhile, Rotti was addressing the people from his balcony. Pavi ran over to Graves and pulled him up onto the balcony. "Papa is addressing the whole-a kingdom about-a you!" He smiled.

"Wait, Pavi, there's something I have to tell you." Graves sighed, grabbing Pavi's wrist.

"Later." Pavi smiled, taking Graves up to the balcony and out to greet the crowd.

"Okay, so, this is Prince Robert, the man my son has chosen to marry. He's going to own Geneco and rule all of you as soon as he and my son are legally married. That being said, I hope like him as much you liked me. Because I'm terminally ill and am really no longer necessary to the story as the narrator has decided not to do a Return of Jafar parody, so I leave you with this." Rotti said, choking and falling off the balcony.

"Papa! Hm…Oh well, at least I have-a my prince." Pavi shrugged, hugging Graves tightly.

"Um…Yay?" Someone in the audience began a slow clap which soon became thunderous applause as Graves and Pavi leaned in for a kiss. All the slash fangirls in the audience began to salivate as they watched.

Meanwhile, Luigi had the lamp in his position and was giving it a good rub, jerking that lamp hard and fast until Mag came flying out. "You know, Graves, all things considered, you could be a bit more gentle with me—I don't think I've got the right room…" The colour drained from Mag's face when she saw not Graves but Luigi standing there with Amber perched on his shoulder.

"Looks like it's my turn. I want to make my first wish, I want to own Geneco!" Luigi demanded. Suddenly, the ground around Pavi and Graves began to shake and Mag rose up behind the palace, gigantic and looking very like a sexy version of Batman.

Luigi appeared before Graves and Pavi wearing the clothes Rotti had been wearing when he fell off the balcony. "Luigi! You evil bastard!" Pavi gasped.

"That's 'Sultan Evil-Bastard' to you, 'ho" Amber sneered.

"Yup. Now since I'm a sultan, you better bow." Luigi smirked.

"Nah…" Graves shook his head. "Because I have a genie!" He took off his turban and looked in it. "Fuck my life!" he gasped when he realized there was no genie in there.

"Sorry, Graves, I serve Luigi now. He can get me dental coverage." Mag sighed.

"I will-a never bow to you, Luigi!" Pavi glared.

"Fine! Then I'll just re-roll as a sorcerer and use my +5 wand of mind control to make you suck my cock instead. Mag! I wish to be an epic human sorcerer with a +5 wand of mind control!" Luigi shouted.

"Why don't you just roll a priest, level to 80 and use your mind control spell? It's much easier." Mag replied.

"Because I can't afford World of Warcraft!" Luigi replied. "God, some people just don't fucking get it."

"Well fine, but you can afford D&D books? They're like forty a pop." Mag replied.

"Look, arguing about finances with you isn't going to get me a blowjob, now, is it?" Luigi asked. "Make with the sorcerer wish."

"Fine. Let me just roll your stats then…" Mag sighed.

"No! Just give me straight eighteens and add the level bonuses to my charisma for my spells and my constitution because I can't wear armor." Luigi stomped his foot.

Pavi blinked. "When-a did Luigi start playing D&D?"  
"When I decided it would make a good gag." The narrator grinned, opening The Book of Erotic Fantasy. "Luigi, if you use a mind control spell to make Pavi do anything sexual, you're alignment is automatically chaotic evil."

"What!? Why?" Luigi asked.

"Um…Let's see…RAPE." The narrator smacked Luigi with the book. "Which isn't funny, so keep that shit out of my humor fic."

"But That Guy With The Glasses makes rape jokes all the time and you laugh at him." Amber pointed out. "And Pavi is a rapist and you idolize him."

"Bitch, one more word and I'm replacing you with Gilbert Gottfried."

"Shutting up."

"So no mind-control blowjob?"

"No mind-control blowjob. Right. Moving on."

"So, after all that do you still want to be a sorcerer?" Mag asked.

"Um…sure…Because then I can still do other cool stuff." Luigi replied. "By the way, the narrator is an annoying preachy piece of whore; I'd just like to make that statement."

"Right, let's keep it moving. The sooner it's over the sooner you never have to hear from him again." Mag said, turning Luigi into a powerful sorcerer.

Anyway, Luigi became a powerful sorcerer and the first thing he did was to force Pavi to bow before him. "Now I'm going to show you who your precious prince REALLY is." He hissed nastily, transforming Graves' fancy clothes back into his plain grave robber outfit and turning Shilo back into a monkey.

"Graves?" Pavi gasped.

"A-duh!" Luigi teased. "I knew you were stupid, but not that stupid. Anyway, I'm sending him to Siberia for no apparent reason even though killing him would be more effective. Bonviagi" He smirked, magicking Graves, Shilo and Magic Dumpster into a tower and taking a golf club smacking it into the air.


	8. Chapter 8

Graverobber found himself in a snowy wintery hell far away from Agrabah and he was all alone. "Dammit all!" He shouted. As he stumbled through the snow, he found Shilo's little fez hat and picked it up. "Shilo?" He called. "Are you there?" Shilo's monkey noises came from under the snow and she stuck out her little paw waving it back and forth to get Graves' attention. Graves ran over to Shilo and dug her out of the snow, hugging her tightly. Hey…Hey…Grilo fans, shut up. He doesn't like her like that in this fic, she's a monkey. Hey! I saw you writing that flame. Shut up. I warned you this was Gravi; now let's get back to the story, alright? Alright. Good.

"This is all my fault…"Graverobber sighed. "But I'm gonna make it right if it's the last thing I ever do. Shilo, how'd you like to help me save Pavi?"

Shilo made cheerful monkey noises and gave Graves two thumbs up. "Good, let's find Magic Dumpster and we'll go rescue him." Graves grinned roguishly as he turned around and found Magic Dumpster and together with Magic Dumpster and Shilo, he flew back to the palace where things were getting bad.

Amber was sitting around bored because with Rotti dead there was no sultan for her to torture.

"It's painful to see you in chains, Pavi…" Luigi said with false sympathy. "But if you'd just married me…well, there would probably be some degree of domestic abuse, I do have a temper, but you wouldn't be in chains and really, all you'd have to do is get out of the house or hide in the closet, I'd probably get tired of searching for someone to stab and just ruin the walls with my knife…But anyway…you'd probably be happier."

"I will-a NEVER marry you!" Pavi spat in Luigi's face.

"Well, then I'll just make Mag make you fall in love with me."

"Wait a second, I thought-a you just wanted to marry me to kill-a me. I didn't think-a you were actually in love-a with me…"Pavi gasped. "So…you did all-a of this horrible stuff for-a me? Wow, that's-a so…creepy…" Pavi bit his lip uncomfortably looking away. He noticed Mag saw something and mouthed the word 'Graves?' Mag nodded and Pavi coughed into his hand. "But-a, very flattering." He purred, wanting to give Graves a chance to sneak in and get the lamp.

Graves slid down a curtain and snuck around a corner until he was next to Mag. "Graves, I can't help you, I serve Luigi now." Mag explained sadly.

Graverobber just grinned and held up a Zydrate gun. "I have everything I need right here."

Amber saw Graves coming and opened her mouth to alert Luigi, but Graves, quick as a flash, pressed the Zydrate gun to the parrot's thigh and shot her up, knocking her out, effectively removing her from the story for the rest of the fic. Luigi heard her and turned his head, but Pavi grabbed Luigi by the back of the head and pulled him into a kiss. Luigi thrust his tongue into Pavi's mouth, gripping the side of his face with one hand and his hip with the other. "Mm…that was wonderful, little brother." Luigi smirked. "Hey! Wait a second!" He shoved Pavi to the ground. "So you thought you'd steal the lamp right out from under my nose!? Well, I'll teach you to cross me!" Luigi snarled, trapping Pavi in a giant hourglass with his sorcerer power. Shilo ran for the lamp next, Luigi turned her into the music box from Phantom of the Opera with the little monkey with the symbols on top. Magic Dumpster tried his hand next; Luigi knocked him on his side. Finally, Graverobber gave it a try only to be surrounded by swords and fire.

"Come fight me, you pussy!" He shouted at Luigi.

"You think I'm a pussy!? I'll show you just what kind of 'pussy' I am!" Luigi said turning into a lion that looked close enough to Scar from 'The Lion King' to earn this narrator a copyright infringement suit from Disney (as if there wasn't already one pending just because of this fic's existence.) Luigi attacked Graves, trying to maul him, but Graves grabbed a sword and swung it at the big cat. Mag sat around filing her nails as they fought. She would have liked to have saved Pavi, he didn't seem so bad, but without a wish from Luigi, she could do nothing. She really didn't care who won, after all, neither of them had been particularly nice to her.

Finally it seemed that Luigi was going to win and maul Graves. "So, any last words before the most powerful being in the world ends your miserable existence?" Luigi purred.

"Most powerful being in the world, my ass! Mag is more powerful than you'll ever be!" Graves laughed.

"No, bad idea, Graves, even worse than your idea to try and be a prince. Really, please don't go through with this plan." Mag waved her hands frantically.

"No, no, he's right; you are more powerful than me." Luigi growled. "Mag, I make my final wish, I wish to be an all powerful genie!" He shouted.

Mag sighed and transformed Luigi into a big powerful red genie.

"YES! I AM NOW THE MOST POWERFUL BEING IN THE UNIVERSE…" Luigi looked down. "BUT I HAVE NO FEET! AND WHAT'S WORSE, I! HAVE! NO! DICK!"  
"No-a, actually you do, it's-a just not visible when you're-a being sucked into a magic lamp." Pavi said as Graves helped him out of the hourglass he'd broken to free Pavi while Luigi was distracted.

"What!? Sucked into a lamp!? NOOOOOOOOO!" Luigi cried out as he looked down at the lamp sucking him in down at where his feet should be. He grabbed Amber as he was finally ultimately sucked into the lamp.

"Well, now you're a genie and you get everything that comes with it." Graves laughed. "Phenomenal cosmic power…" He picked up the lamp. "Itty bitty living space."

Mag slapped Graves. "Stop saying that! Do you WANT Disney to sue us?!"  
"Ow! Sorry, sorry!" Graves winced. "Jeeze."

"Well, anyway, I'm going to throw Luigi's lamp somewhere where no short, fat thief voiced by Jason Alexander will ever find him." Mag grinned.

"Where? The desert?" Graves asked.

"Oh, god no, someone could find it there, I was going to throw it into the sun." Mag replied.

"But he was-a such a good kisser…" Pavi sighed.

"Yeah, go ahead and throw it into the sun." Graves frowned. Mag did so. "I'm a better kisser than he is."

"Yes-a, I suppose-a you are." Pavi smiled.

"Anyway…There's one thing I need to do…Pavi, since you make the laws now that your father's dead, can you make it so I don't have to be a prince to marry you?" Graves asked.

"Graves, it's-a the future, you don't have-a to be-a a prince to marry me. As long-a as we're in love and are-a both consenting adults, there's-a no reason in-a the world why we can't-a be married."

"Alright, then before I marry you…" He said, turning towards Mag. "Mag, I wish you free. There, now…" He turned back to Pavi. "Will you marry me?"

"Yes-a, I will!"

And so Mag went to travel the world, Shilo was no longer a music box and Pavi and Graverobber flew off together in Magic Dumpster, screwing happily while, in typical Disney fashion, they sang about it. The End.

"Cousin Pavvers, is that really the story of Aladdin?" The little girl asked.

"As far as you know, sweetie." The narrator patted her head, smiling brightly at her and kissing her on the head before tucking her in and walking out, turning off the light and going down to crash on his cousin's couch and watch some well deserved Repo.


End file.
